Becoming a psychic medium forced me to embrace the power of surrender. All my life, I’ve done everything to fit in and be “normal.” I simply shut up and shut out my abilities.  But at night, spirits would come and visit me.

Sometimes, they’d just appear, but usually they wanted to show me how they died. This terrified me, and I did everything I could to stop it. I slept with the lights and television on. I married a police officer, taught at the local community college and became a mother. I was normal, I fit in and felt safe. But there was always another world calling to me and three years ago, I answered that call. 

I was at a metaphysical fair when a woman walked up to me, gave me an unsolicited but very accurate reading, and said, “My guides keep saying the word ‘Reiki.’”  I’d never heard of Reiki, but based on this one stranger’s recommendation, I found a local Reiki teacher and earned my first degree. That’s when my intuition popped open again, but I still didn’t tell anyone. 

I dreamt that my friend was pregnant before she knew. I started to see lights around people, and I would feel their deceased relatives around me. Every time I saw my family doctor, I fought an impulse to tell him his grandmother Anna is so proud he became a doctor. As a teenage boy packed my bags at my local grocery store, I almost said, “Don’t worry; Lindsey likes you too.”  How could I tell anyone these things? 

What would they think?

But then the unthinkable happened, and suddenly what other people thought no longer mattered. My husband, a police sergeant, was shot in the line of duty. A nurse told me to call the family and prepare myself. Our priest came to administer the Last Rights. 

I thought about the nightmares I’d been having the last two weeks of someone reeling from a gunshot. I never saw a face, just someone jumping back and holding on to their neck and chest. And all summer I kept finding heart shaped sea shells. I knew it was a sign of something coming, but I didn’t know what. As I sat in the ICU waiting room, I fought even the idea of surrendering with all my might. When the doctors finally came out of surgery to speak to me, they told me he’d lost half a lung and so much blood. That’s when I first began surrendering. Five days into his coma, I discovered I was pregnant with our third daughter. The doctor told me we had a good chance that Mike would get to meet this child. Staring into his eyes, I totally surrendered. I surrendered everything I was and hoped to be, gave it all to the doctors and focused on Mike’s recovery.  

Every day and night I would do Reiki on my husband. The nurses would come in and ask, “What are you doing?  Every time you do that, his blood pressure stabilizes.” Finally, after 14 days, he woke up. He suffered a brain injury which means he’ll never work as a police officer again; he battles daily headaches and has almost no short term memory. But through the power of surrender, I truly see all this as a gift. I really appreciate my husband, especially the small things like picking up our daughters from school, going on date nights and sleeping next to him each night. These are all gifts I had before the shooting, but they remained unopened, unappreciated.  

My husband’s shooting gave me the confidence to join an intuitive development circle. I did a mini-reading for my best friend where her father came through with messages. She told a mutual acquaintance of ours who shocked me by asking for a reading. I knew this woman only from our children’s playgroup. I feared that I’d give her a reading, she wouldn’t validate anything, and she’d tell everyone I was a lunatic. In fact, I secretly worried that this was the only reason she had asked for the reading. Then my husband said, “It probably took a lot of courage for her to ask for a reading.” I’d never thought about it that way, so I did it. She validated everything I said. Since then, I’ve learned to celebrate this gift and surrender to it, no matter what.  

Once during a reading, all I saw was a Banyan tree. Normally, I would have dismissed this and asked for something more specific. But I had already decided to trust what I received. The woman became emotional as she explained that when she was seven, she had seen her spirit guide while sitting in a Banyan tree. “I’ve always asked for validation of this,” she explained. If I hadn’t become a surrendered intuitive, she never would have received this confirmation. Another time, my brother-in-law’s deceased brother kept bugging me to get a message to him. I was terrified because I hadn’t told anyone in my family about this, and I knew it would just make him sad to think about his brother. But when I gave him dates, names, and even identified the car his brother drove, he was happy to hear that his brother was okay. 

So now I am a psychic medium. I’ve surrendered to this, and in many ways it has surrendered to me, allowing me to still be a wife, mother and teacher. I’ve come out to my friends and family to mixed reviews. One thing doing readings has taught me is that we’re all here for different reasons – to heal, inspire, teach – but really we’re all serving the same purpose: to embrace with love our true self and see this reflected back in everyone around us. We all need to drop the blanket of doubt and fear clinging to us and let our light shine forth.  

How else can we do this but through surrender?  

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Samantha Fey is a Reiki Master and Intuitive Medium. She teaches workshops on crystals, intuition and manifesting at Visions and Dreams in Wilmington, NC. She offers Spirit Guide readings where she connects with your guide and loved ones to get input on your soul purpose and life lessons. She can be reached at samanthafey1@aol.com.